When Performance Stops Feeling Like You

Hey,

You’re still performing. Still meeting deadlines. Still replying “all good” when someone asks. But something feels off. It’s not exhaustion from doing too much. It’s exhaustion from doing it without joy. We were taught discipline is the edge. Consistency is maturity. Control is power. Especially for women who were “gifted.” “Driven.” “Ahead.”

And if your brain runs fast — creative, nonlinear, ADHD-coded — you learned early how to compensate. Overprepare. Overdeliver. Outperform.
It works. Until it doesn’t. And #Edition38 is about that.

Inside this edition:
🎿 Burnout, ADHD & the performance trap
📚 What she’s reading, watching, trying
📰 5 headlines worth her time
✨ Her Spotlight
🤍 Note to Her

Let’s talk about autonomy — not hustle.

Alysa Liu was 13 when she became a national champion. 16 when she went to the Olympics. 19 when she quit. Not because she failed. Because she felt like a puppet. Structured training. External decisions. Music chosen for optimization. Costumes chosen for scoring. A body trained to execute. It worked.

But somewhere inside that system, joy thinned out. And here’s the part that matters: She left at the top. And, women are rarely allowed to do that.

The Good Girl → Burned Out Woman Pipeline
You get praised for being advanced. You become dependable. You build an identity around being impressive. And slowly, your worth fuses with output. You’re not just achieving. You’re maintaining a standard.

For high-functioning women — especially those with ADHD — performance often becomes a coping strategy. Shame fuels productivity. Fear fuels structure. Overcompensation fuels excellence.

You can do very well this way. But burnout waits.

“Who am I without the output?”

The Radical Quit…
After the 2022 Olympics, Liu stepped away. She traveled. Climbed mountains. Lived outside training cycles. And this is where it gets interesting. She didn’t return to prove anything. She returned with conditions.

Autonomy Over Optimization…
When she came back, she wanted control. Over her music, costumes, training. But more than that — she wanted to enjoy it. Not as a bonus. As a rule.

That shift sounds soft.

It isn’t. It’s structural. Because when you remove fear of the outcome, something unexpected happens: You gain more control over the process. Effort becomes expression. Time bends differently. Hyperfocus turns into flow.

For ADHD brains especially, this matters. Play is not indulgence. It’s access.

Outcome-Agnostic Women Win Differently…

It doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means your identity isn’t fused to the result. You’re ambitious. But you’re not performing for survival. And that changes the nervous system.

Lower fear → deeper creativity.
Deeper creativity → sustainable excellence.
Sustainable excellence → longevity.

The Cultural Shift…
We’re watching women detach from hustle worship in real time. Less obsession with optimization. More interest in nervous system safety. Less “main character grind.” More “do I even like this?”

For years, we glamorized burnout as proof of ambition.

But what if the edge isn’t endurance? What if it’s alignment? Alysa Liu didn’t just return to skating. She returned to it as art. And maybe that’s the rebellion of this moment: Not quitting. Not proving. But choosing the terms.

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💬 Ideas to tune into when the world’s too loud.

📚 Read: Rest Is Resistance — Tricia Hersey
A rejection of grind culture disguised as discipline. Especially sharp for women who built their worth on being exceptional → Read when you’re ready to separate ambition from exhaustion.
🎬 Watch: Black Swan — Dir. Darren Aronofsky
Perfection as self-erasure. Control as collapse. It’s not about ballet. It’s about what happens when excellence consumes the self → Watch if “being the best” ever felt like survival.
📝 Audit: What Would I Keep If No One Was Watching?
List what you’d still pursue without applause, deadlines, or proof. That’s the work that’s yours.

✨ Choose the terms. Not just the outcome.

🌍 5 stories shaping the week for women everywhere.

⛷️ Lindsey Vonn posts 7 words after life-saving surgery: After a brutal Olympic crash and complex leg surgery, Vonn wrote: “Thank you for getting me there, team.” At 41. After an ACL tear. After everything. Women’s endurance looks different.
📱 Instagram will alert parents if teens repeatedly search suicide terms: Meta says it will notify parents enrolled in supervision if teens repeatedly search self-harm terms. The move comes as the company faces trials over alleged harm to minors.
🧥 Kim Jong Un appears with daughter in matching jacket — succession buzz grows: North Korea’s leader appeared publicly with his teenage daughter in symbolic matching attire at a military parade, fueling speculation she may be groomed as successor.
❄️ Refugee found dead after Border Patrol release: A 56-year-old visually impaired refugee was found dead days after Border Patrol left him at a Buffalo coffee shop. Officials are calling for investigation. The agency says he showed no signs of distress.
📸 Deposition paused after unauthorized photo of Hillary Clinton: Rep. Lauren Boebert reportedly took and shared a photo during Clinton’s House deposition — a violation of committee rules that briefly halted proceedings.

Found her. Loved her. Needed you to see her.

Gabby Licavoli — If your nervous system is tired of watching women “do it all” perfectly, follow her. She shares motherhood without optimization. No “how I manage 6 things before 6AM.” Just real mornings. 

A woman not performing productivity for applause. In an era obsessed with output, her content feels regulated. And that matters. Gabby’s feed quietly models detaching worth from performance. Not everything has to impress. 

Some seasons are meant to be lived — not leveraged. Follow: @gabbylicavoli

Once performance stops feeling like you, it’s allowed to change.
Her Weekly Download arrives Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays — for women choosing autonomy over applause.

✨ P.S. If this feels clarifying, send it her way. The best kind of care travels woman to woman 💚